I shall make this clear.

the guy who i love now is

JAMES HO WENG KIN.

No matter what, face the fact.
I love him.
Knowing him that not loving me anymore,
I've always finding a way to let him know how i feel.
Till i found this song.
Totally says what i want to say in my heart.

Its abit childish but its true what i want to say.
Babe, If you hear this song,
Try to listen to the lyrics.
If you don't understand,
You can just ask me.

Babe. I really miss you.
I miss those time.
I really really miss you.
I want to hug you and cry on your shoulder.
I want you to hold me tight.
Never let me go.
BABE!
I've always hold back my feeling.
Because of you.
I'm afraid telling you the whole thing,
I'll make some things worst or what.
BABE...

Listen to me....

I risk my love for you.

I msg him to ask if he really not love me anymore.
He replied no and said he like being single.
Sorry is what he said.

I was afraid after i ask that question,
and we won't even be friends anymore.
I'm happy that you say yeah.
(who knows its true anot )

Guess this time is officially break.
No more patch back.
This time is no choice for me.
Not like other time that i got full of choice.
( inside joke )

Till now,
I'm really happy that day he called.
But what's best i hope is,
Before the day we break.
We will have a last date.
When we part, leave a smile.

That's what i hope.
But i guess i can't get things goes my way all the time.
If we get to contact again on the phone,
I will tell you this.
' I'm really happy, That we can still talk like this. '

Well, that is IF we get to talk on the phone again.
and is IF you'll call me again.

I'm so happy..
Babe called last night!
Talk for a few minutes.
BUT!
I'm still happy!
arh!! SO SO HAPPY!

Heard that babe is sick again.
Babe, please take good care of yourself.

He said he MIGHT be going ITE.
But who knows what is his choice.

BABE,
I miss you.

Babe.
I miss you.
I love you.

that's all i can say in my heart for now.
All i know you're studying hard for private.
In the end. You wrote ' Keep in touch '.

I was happy.
I really am.
At LEAST i still can contact with you.
I guess.

I'm going Simei ITE.
Guess i haven't and i couldn't tell you that.
I want to talk to you more.
I miss you, babe.

I'm taking Multimedia.
Heard its going to be hard.
But i'll try my best to get good grades.
Just like you're trying your best.

I wonder if we can meet up and catch some movie together again.
Hang out and talk about schools and life.
Can we do that?

Can we talk on the phone like how we use to again?
Can we get back the same feelings?


Babe,

You said that you don't love me anymore,
Isn't it so sudden to say that?
Or because of our path we're going.
You just want to end simple.
So that you can protect me for getting and more deeper hurts?

That night you ask me,
What does BGR mean to me?

Now my answer to you is,
BGR is our first step forward.
Without BGR, there won't have Marriage.
And also its because that I LOVE YOU.

Now what will your answer be?
Besides you saying that you love me?
What does BGR means to you?

SCORPIO - The Addict/EXTREMELY adorable.

Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous OneSpontaneous.

High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet!




Its between mine and his.
Do you think its true? I don't know. I really don't.

I did tell myself to let go.
I'm trying too had i guess.
I know i still miss you.
I know you won't even think of me anymore.

Everytime when i ask you about your ex.
How you treated them,
You'll always tell me that you forgot already.

If you had your next girlfriend.
And if she ask about it, Will you answer the same?
Will you treat our relationship as nothing at all?
And what do you treat relationship as?

Knowing that you won't read my blog anymore,
Making me feel so down.



Went drinking with bro and friend.
Was kinda having the urge to be drunk.
Spill everything out without knowing.
I wonder why can't i cry like how i use to.
What is the thing that is holding me back?

I kept telling myself that,
This time you're really gone and not coming back.
Not even meeting up.
Not even talking on the phone or even sms.
It just doesn't work on me.
What is it going on with me?

You must be living in the thoughts of people around you.
Or maybe with a new girl that you just like?

What is wrong with me?
I don't know.
To admit, I do miss him.
I miss his voice.
I miss the way he treat me to hear those words he want to hear.
Also by threaten with my presents.

Bro was sitting beside me yesterday.
Telling me and my friend about the stars in the sky.
He asked me did anyone use this way to get close to me,
Which i thought about it,
You did.

That time when we're in the library as friends.
Was studying become play around.
Took a Chinese story book and read.
Made you read some words,
End up you made me read the rest.
Slowly your hands were over my shoulders before i realize.

You were rushing me kept asking me if i want to go home.
When we're going off,
You pull and hug me and ask me to be your girl.
Its a memory to me,
Is it to you?

Showing all sorts of way that you'll put a girl to kiss.
Those love bites you gave.
Guess when the love bites gone,
You're gone too.

Babe,
i miss you.

Guess i couldn't...

Hold that hand that keep me safe.
Hug that body that keep me warm.
Kiss that lips that makes me feel loved.

It just end so simple.
I did expect this.
I knew this would happen.
End up so quickly.
We're together for 4 month plus.

The ups and downs we had.
Even though we hardly go out which is less then 10 times.
But thank you for everything.
Encourage me to go back church.
Putting me back to the path i should walk.

After the break up,
I didn't cry at all.
Totally not even a tear.
I'm abit sad.
But what i felt after the break up,
my mind was saying
' Thank you for everything you've done for me '

Not the way i always says after break up.
' Why do we have to end up this way ' etc.
Maybe its a silly way for me.
But i really thank you for everything.

Maybe after break up, you won't read my blog any more.
Could careless about my life.
But i really want to say thank you so much.

The things you gave me.
' Note ( wei ni jie yan ) '
' Handmade rose ' The words you said to me. ( I'll love you till the rose died )
I don't blame you for saying those words.
That's prove how much you love me at those times.
' Pooh bear ' You caught and gave it to me.
' Birthday present and letter ' ( 3 heart shape Chocolate with a small letter from you. )

Thank you so much.
Maybe you're the first guy who gave those to me.
Who taught me stuff.
Thank you so much.

I don't regret loving you. =)

Now we have go on our seperate ways,
All i can say is all the best for your future.
Don't give up. Think for the best of yourself . =)
Thank you for reading my blog.
Hope we'll keep contact. =)

How long has it been already?
When was the last time you called me?

babe,
i miss you.
i really do.
i starting to lose faith.
call me back fast..
i'm feeling pain.

Didn't know choosing course can make me so stress.
Nothing that i like.
Nothing that makes me want to go learn.
Nothing that makes me feel happy.

I don't want to drag myself to school everyday.
I don't want to have a boring life.
I really don't know how now...

Darling,
maybe you're right.
I am stupid after all...

We got N level results today,
Was hoping to get 7 points and below.
End up i got 9 points. Was a bit disappointed.

I wasn't really worried about my results of failing or not.
I was just worried about darling result.
Hearing the Vice principle saying two drop out,
people who is going to retain.
When he got his result,
i was praying hard that he promote.
But he told me he retain and could careless about it.
I start to worried and wonder what is he going to do.

Really wonder what is he going to do now.

darling, You're not alone.
You still have me with you.

Alot of things have been happening around.
A lot of patch up happens..
Mine , yin ru , april..
Or maybe someone that i didn't know about.

The last time i saw darling was on my birthday.
If i have more time to spend with him.
I would have hug him tight and cried.
I don't know who to depend on who now.

All i can confirm is,
the next i'll see him will be next tuesday,
The day that we're taking our results.
After the whole thing, I don't know what will happen to us anymore.

I just want to be with him.
I've got no reason.
But i want to be with him.

I want to hold that hand that makes me feel safe.
I want to hug that body that makes me feel warm.
I want to kiss that lips that make me feel loved.

Don't i sound a bit desperate?
Haha. But this is how much i love him.
I'll never forget how he ask me to be his girl.
I'll never forget the very first promise that he promise me.
' I'll love you more then my other ex girlfriend '
I'll never forget the very first kiss on my forehead.

Even though i didn't expect us to hold on till now..
Including the problems we have..
But surprisingly we did last till now! =)

Starting i've been supporting him.
Now its his turn to support me.

I remember how much i cried,
the day when he is suppose to go Japan. ( Which he didn't )
That time i feel so lonely.
I suppose to go home,
End up i was at park crying..
Hoping him to come back soon.
Crying till the day on my birthday.
He appear at my block.

On his birthday,
We were on our break up term.
But no matter what, I want to pass him his present.
He reject the cup.
But he didn't reject my love.
I was so damn happy for that.

The very first movie we watch together was Harry Potter.
That was before we were together.
He had motives from the start.
But that day, the way he wear,
WAS THE BEST UP TILL NOW! =p
It was his appearance that made me fall for him. ( cunning )

4 months just gone like that.
Damn quick.
What will happen to our future,
I don't know.
Just hold on whatever we're having now.. =)

Love you my baby darling boy. =)

FYI!

He lied to me.
He didn't went japan.
He went for a camp.
He gave me a shocking surprise which i was super happy..
He gave me a kiss.
I wanted to stay with him longer.
Because of family dinner.. I couldn't.
And because we kiss, DAD saw..

Mom called me and told me about it.
I feel like i was super dead.
Told darling about it..
He thinks breaking up is easier for us..
WHICH I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN...

Everytime he say want to last long..
And everytime he is the one saying the break up word.
Making feel very scared and sad and worried.
I really scared..
He asked me to depend on him.
When i going to.. He end up walking away..
I really don't want that to happen.

DARLING,

I finally can get hold on you and rely on you.
Please don't walk away or give up on me.
Sorry if i give you troubles, But please, Don't leave me.
I know you may have your problems..
Still, Don't give up on me..
Its our 4th month today.
I bet you didn't realise it.
All this four months i've been with you,
All the break ups and upset things.
I feel i'm really in a relationship and not fooling around.

Everytime you didn't call me or reply me,
I start to think that you're out with other girls,
Or starting to leave me...

Darling, i'm serious, Please don't leave me...
I love you. I really do...
You may tease me and stuff,
Don't give up on me...

He went to Japan.
No idea when is he coming back..
Miss him..
Didn't get to hold his hand..
He won't be around on my birthday.
Feel so down..

Friends either can't make it or no money.
Why am i getting my hopes high when nothing going to happen?
It will just make me cry.
Feeling disappoint of helping they everytime.
End up, i'm the one who will be suffering..

I need you by my side the moost on my birthday.
Due to grandma past away..
I need i shoulder to cry on..
I'm so tired that i can't hold on any longer..
I'm feeling so so down now..

Wondering how long more you will continue to love me.
Wondering how long we can last.
Wondering every sorts of things..
I'm worried, I'm deperss. I'm so lonely right now without you...

I miss you dear.
Come back quick...

Asking for patch as if nothing happen.
You knew you hurt me badly,
You knew i was longing after you for one year.
Got no hope at all..
Because of you, I hurt those who truly love me.
Because of you, I suffer missing you.

Now you come back to me,
Asking me for patch.
Saying you were truly sorry.
Saying you miss me badly.
Saying you were sad after i reject you.
Who do you think you are?

You were playing me all those time.
Saying that you want to see me so much.
Lying about if i'm going to the bbq anot.

Seeing you at bbq,
a bit of awkward feeling.
No idea what to say.
Talk a bit with you.
BBQ start.
We start doing separate things.

I don't even feel anything towards you anymore.
I can finally move on.
I finally officially move on.
Move on with my relationship peacefully.
I was so confuse each time you contact me.
Each time i see you..

Why didn't you contact me when i don't have boyfriend?
But instead you contact me when i having one.
I do hate you to prevent me from loving you.
Hurt me so much to do that again.
Making feel like a fool.