Even though she is my friend,
I still will get jealous.
I don't know why.
He give me the tone that makes me feel this way.
I hate it. I really do...

He won't be around on my birthday,
Was abit sad.
Guess people around won't remember my birthday.
He won't be able to wish me happy birthday.
I won't be able to hear his voice for a week.
Feeling damn sad.
Sad that i feel like crying..

Time ticking.
Birthday drawing near,
But, heart aching,
Knowing that people won't remember my birthday.
Knowing that no one will get me presents.
Knowing that they didn't even realize i was around with them.
Its so pain..

Keeping up the same way as i do,
Smiling for everyone when i'm feel sad inside.
Locking myself up and crying silently.
Its so painful...

I feel as if i don't exist in the family,
They can remember my sister,
Yet they just don't remember me.

Was talking on the phone with him.
Remind me about the past.
It was so horrible.
Grandma past away on my birthday.
No one wished me happy birthday either.
No present from anyone.
If they think i will understand for them doing that,
But do they still think that i'm still a kid at that time?
I need love and care too.

Christmas, Everyone was looking forward to their present.
So was i, wondering what kind of things i'll get.
The time has come, giving out presents.
Waiting name to be called.
Till left a little,
Everyone got theirs,
But i don't have any at all..
I really meant it. I didn't had anything.
Gale at least had one.
Make me feel so dumb.
As if i don't belong there. Or i should be around.
I wanted to cry. I really wanted to.
My name, I don't think i even exist much.

What will happen this year?
Same thing?
Tears roll on my birthday.
Nothing receive at christmas?

I feel so hurt.
I want to cry so badly.
I think Dear was worried after i told him.
As he wanted to go sleep.
End up after hang up, He called again just to check.
I did cry. I just don't want him to think so much.
Sometime, by listening to his voice, I will feel so much better without saying anything.

I so not looking for my birthday and Christmas this year.
Thinking the same thing going to happen,
Its going to hurt me so much more.
Tears going roll alot too..

Making things feel i don't exist anymore...

I miss my class.
I really do.
I miss disturbing people.
I miss screaming and shouting in class.
I miss the laughter we share around.
Silly things we do also.
STILL, we have to move on. SAD!

Suspecting things now.
Just couldn't jump to conclusion yet.
Have to ask him clearly first...

I miss him.
I really do.
Thanks honey for the pooh.
You still owe me another one.
I love him.
I really do.
But do he love me?
Do he really do?

arh!! muscle ache!
currently having two part time job.
super tired.

Yesterday work at Downtown East.
Carry heavy plates of food around.
Hand aching.
Saw liling and family.
Was super shock to see them around.
Lucky Lee Sheng not there.
Comfirm got nothing to say. Lols.

Carry that plate with one hand for an hour.
For the last few minutes,
couldn't hold long.
People keep ask me to tell adrian.
But, oh well, going to end anyway.
Lols.

After that do clearing point.
Have to follow that Idiot li min.
Lols. Stupid things is we still can use dirty hand to dirty each other face.
Lols. Also end up fighting with each other. LOls.
He end up having some injury around his neck.

Work till 1 AM.
Took cab with junting.
Stop at my house area first.
Cab fare was EX!
Never mind. Adrian says that can claim.
And he better do that.

Reach home, Feel super tired.
Chat with friends for awhile.
Couldn't take it and went to bed.

Now Woke up in the morning,
Hand aching.
Can't stretch much.
Feeling hungry now.
Waiting for mother to call.

Love just seems different.
Dreams seems so real,
Smiles seems so fake,
Tears seems so sad.

What else could people think in ridiculous way...

The 200th post...

DAMN!.
I HATE HIM!!!
i really do!
even is already a year past..
I STILL HATE HIM!

What do he have the right to msg me?
He still think he wasn't in the wrong.
All he says is..
'I'm sorry i say too harsh things to you.'

HELLO!
arh!! why am i bothered by this jerk!

I'm feeling so down.
I'm feeling so uneasy.

Just because that he hasn't called...

I love him.
I really do.
Just that the confident is abit down...

Happy birthday to my sweet and lovely boy.

Saying myself that i'm alright is a lie.
Showing the smile is also a lie.

I know i'm sad. I'm disappointed in myself. I've no confident. I feel so useless.
I don't know how he feel.
I realise that we have never talk much about our problem.
We just keep it to ourself and settle ourself.
Untill if we ask about it, then we'll say out.
That's my thinking though.

Tears has shed.
Eyes were red.
Swollen like a gold fish.
Hearts feel so heavy.
That i don't think i can lift it up long.

Let me be the sick one.
Let me feel the painfulness in my body.
Let me learn a lesson.
Let me have a high fever.

Tell me what to do.
Who will be there to let me cry on their shoulder.
Who will be there to let me scream at.
Who will be there to listens to me on and on.
Who... I hope it will be you...

loving you still.