I have been blogging lately, didn't i? Didn't had a very nice time today. After 'G.L.T' confess to me the other time, I didn't know how to face him today. They say that they can tell that he like me. But isn't him alway being who he was? All i can do is just pretend that i don't know anything. Trying to talk to him at times. It didn't really works. Of how he look today. Being so quiet.

When he told me he like me, It was the time that i told him about me and James. I told him the rumours spread around. Which he misunderstand that James as if James were the one who spread it. He actually scold the F word. So after that he told me he like me. Yet telling is up to me. Man! I don't like people say that. Totally sucks. I do admit that i at a huge crush on James now. But then, Its making me not to have a crush of James cause of him. Hais...

Today in class was asking James to take over me for tomorrow chapel service. Then i told him cause it's wei li's birthday. Then she and Janet can't make it. So it left me. Then surprisingly that he say he'll go with me tomorrow. I was happy.[ DUH! ] After that he told me he was on his way home, putting a ' damn sad ' in the end of the message.

Knowing him around 1 year plus, Its the first time to hear him saying sad in a really sad way. Cause of his family is blaming him and themselves cause of him. Get what i mean? I understand how it feels. Just think that you're in his position. You'll sure be having stress or pressure cause of it. But i couldn't say much, I told him that if both parents is working, This kind of stuff mostly will happen. Is it wrong? i really don't know. I hope i don't add salt in his wound. I really hope that he'll be alright. It makes me kinda worried. Pray to God.

Okay.. Back blogging i guess. Hmm.. went out with james today. Watch movie... Harry potter. They have some funny actions in it. But i still says that i'm disappointed... Sitting in the movie, freezing cold for 2 hours, watch less then 30 min actions. So for the rest of the 1 hour 30 min, Is all watching the school having lots of rules or laws by the ministry lady. Man.. Both of us was so cold! James was shaking la. I can feel it. Lols. Poor him, But can't be blame, He didn't eat anything when we met up. Haha.. He can be dumb at times i guess. Lols. Don't know how he will be like if he go out with his girlfriend. Lols.

Oh well, He smokes. Too bad, if he don't smokes, Don't really go beat up people, I might completely fall for him.. Haha.. Well, I admit that i had a crush on him now. Cause his really cute , he got the character too! Lols.. Including the looks. Oh man!! This sucks la!!!

Alright.. its been a long time i haven't been update my blog. Today was my Chinese Oral. .. Totally flunk it. ARH!!. well, i did my best though. Prelim coming soon. Gonna do my best too. DNT date due this friday. I haven't finish. I'm so dead.

Haven't been going church for a long time. Pastor wee have been asking me why. Swee koon just asked me what am i going to do . I have no idea. I can't just simply to tell him that i want to change church. And if he ask why? And to tell him that cause i don't like the way they say about us? Seriously, i don't know what am i going to do. Some of us plan to change church. We got our own reason. Hais. Seriously, I don't know what i can do now.


I've been running away .. running away from my problem. I don't know how to solve it. My good friends. I really don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to hurt them. Can't you let me have a peacefull life for the last year in school? Just deal for a few months. hais. Phobia of guys? Hais.. Who can tell me what i can do? Its just that, i don't have much TRUE friend. It can't be change, Can it? Guess not right ? Rumors spread, me and gregory. We are just good friends. Seriously... No steady! Why can't people just understand about it? I think my class girls attitude just sucks this few days. Seriously, You can say that i'm jealous whatever shit. Whoever i'm close with, You'll just have to be close to them too is it? What is your goal? Your character just sucks. I don't know how people tolerate your behavior. I want my class back.. I seriously do.

I'm feeling so down. Everything nice, I'm going to left behind soon. Feel so heart broken. I won't be able to hear them sing already. I won't be able to see them anymore. Ryan asked me to cheer up. I will. But i will still cry. I think i'm back to square one. I don't wish to be hurt or even hurt people. Its really painful for me. Hais. What can i say. Its part of my life... I hope my phobia won't starts... it this continues...