What dose love means to you? Is it relationship in your mind when you think of love? Form the time i really lost someone i love. I'd felt that Love doesn't mean for relationship only. It apply to people around me. Friends that i've lost now. Family members. That's now what i truely care for. Relationship in my mind. I don't dare to think about it. Its not that i'm feelingless. Its just that. I'm afraid i fall in love with someone again and myself hurt again. I hardly trust anyguys words. Like what my friend says. Good looking people are for people to see. Don't need to be so Despo to so called know them.

I've change. Change to someone from back to worst. So i've decided to leave cine gang. Which now i lost a Banch of Big Group of friends. Haix. I may look happy every single time people see me. But in my heart, i am sad, crying and alone. No one understand me. No one know how i feel. They thought by telling me that they like me that i'll feel happy. But it onli add burden to me. Burden that i have to hurt another person again. People might that that i'm happy that guys like me. But they didn't know every single time i reject someone. I'm crying. Cause its my friend that i hurt. My own friend. Sometime i just wonder. Having a relationship. What's the used? What is the Advantage? I still don't get it. I really don't...

Loving someone can be so painful. Why am i loving someone again and again? Geting myself hurt again and again? I just don't get it. After losing someone who is always there by side since i was born till last year. I've feel that i've change. Not the girl that can smile to everyone and say hi everytime i meet them. I'm not the girl who can smile and do things happily and become the girl that close the door and cry every single time. From someone tolerate to a furious girl everytime. What has happen to me now? Cry is all i can do. Love is all i can say.

I've stop having relationship after i broke up with derrick. Even i fall in love with roy ever since till now, i didn't give a chance for me and him being together. I'm to scared to be in one relationship again. Ever try losing someone that you truely love and lost them in a sudden? How painful it was? You can waste time or even days just because of that someone. Not saying others. But saying about myself. After last year exprience on my birthday. I've start saying that i'm a jinx that bring nothing good but curses.

Even though i fall in love with roy from the month of april till this day today. I bring him nothing good but saddness and pain. After hurting him. Me myself have been moodless. Not giving anyother guys a chance. Being so called self-centred. I believe that, even if one day i'm not around. No one will notice it. I'm no one to everybody heart. Accept God.

Whatever i've done for people. No one thank me and no one remember what i have done. Its like, one second they remember me. Another second they don't remember anything and treat me like a... Dream. While you're in your dream, of couse you will remember. When u wake up, u don't remember anything else. Like, whatever i organise and i ask other's to help me with stuffs. They will thought the helpers is the organiser. Maybe i just need people attention. But can't i be someone that people will remember for good? Will i have that day ?

Even if people read this. I think their mind will be laughing at me or start saying bad things about me. But this is what i think in my heart. So if you think is funny. Laugh all you want. I can't be bothered by you jerks. Not happy about my blog? Simple. DON'T READ IT! If you understand this simple stuff. I think u can Go back to your primary school and learn things all over again. Or i think even a primary school kid will be understanding then people like this. Advise for people mind are like that. Grow up!

well! i'm back from my camp. the camp can say quite boring. all day long with the sermon. can die man! most of it fell asleep. opps! =X lols. didn't do anything much. just play around. being pist of ppl. hearing rumours around .. yeah. ton with friends.. talking GAS.. lols. started by swee koon. lols. yeah. sharon got push in the water at the last day. lols. reading those msg u send to me in past. feel like crying. but i can't. i'm still missing him. i don't know why. i feel something has change in me. wad is it?

i seems to be like update nothing but craps. lols. well. maybe i am! lols. got nothing to update actually. just update for the sick of updating. lols..

lets see... found out something that i didn't know when i was in p5 camp.. there is rumous spreading around talking me blah blah blah.. WAD DE FUCK!! okey. i'm hurt after knowing that. but i just don't know why i can't do anything .. as in. i won't just see them diao them or something. i will just smile friendly to them as if nothing happen. i'm just. too easy to be bullied i guess. haix..

well. the decision for the inline skating for me still not comfirm! arh..!! haix. they need girls power over there. but is like.. i don't even know i can make it for those training anot. then is like. ppl i know ask me to go clementi. i've already got problem. and now ask me to east cost. its quite far la. how u expect me sial. haix.. should i go anot. i got a wierd feeling in me. that isn't ryt. i just don't know.. haix..

hmm. found myself have been good? as in. i went training. went home striaght. can u believe?! then went town. i saw roy !! ok. not onli saw him. with kaka and adrian. then add in two other girls. was happy to see them la. so long didn't see them le. lols. plus so long also never go out with them. but. guess that day of us going out together it will take a very long time ba. lols. hmm.. few days went town. i wear till so ugly . also got guys wan ask me for number. abit guai guai de. then today more funny. on my way home. got this three guys. they thought that i'm deft. i can't here wad are they talking about. then i was like. die le la. not another one. then i was like. train faster move. don't let them have time to come talk to me. then sad case. one of the guy approach me. somemore he stand so close to me. i was like. 'hey! back offf!!' i give him some stupid look of mine la. then ask me wad school am i from blah blah blah. LUCKY DIDN"T ASK MY NUMBER!!! was so heng la!! then they alight at AMK and say bye to me. i was like. orh. bye . but didn't wave of say. just a small smile to them. lols. so now do u guys know why i don't like to be out alone?! arh.. ! and pls do not misunderstand wad i type in here. i don't wan to create any trouble with ppl..

OK! i'm back with my blogging coz i'm free for now i guess? lols. have been busy three weeks. haven't been going town also but i'm going soon! lols. let see.. 22-25 of may went to taman negara! miss the place now. miss the camp there. LBS RAWKS! its was damn fun la! miss everything there now. arh!! ok ok. then reach home arond 12+ sleep around 2 . went back school blah blah.. then holiday!

saturday was calvin's birthday. went to sentosa to celebrate. was trying to be friendly with his friends. as in entertain them. mom called mi say dad wans mi to be home by 6. thought they bring mi out for dinner or wad. 6+ left sentosa. thought i will be in dead shit. rush home taking taxi. $14.40 just like that fly away. then run home. no one at home. thought their late for home or something. call them at 7 plus. and guess wad they told mi.? DINNER EAT BY MYSELF!! they just wan to be at home at 6!!! and my mother just flew like that!! arh!!! never mind.


sunday went to church. after that. last min went to red rain concert! freaking nice la! lols. was abit high. jumpin here and there. lols. but kor doesn't seems to be enjoying. =(. after that. took bus home. alight at cityhall. thought we're lost. but we manage to find our ways out. lols. reach home. mother give mi attiude. lols. but i know. its my fualt also. lols.


monday! its peiying camp!! yeah!! lols. was very excited also lols. i woke up late. suppose to meet friends at 807 6.40am. but i woke up at 7! somemore i haven't pack my bag lor! woke up. rush here and there. get everything ryt. but in the end forget to bring stuff. ask my dearest mother to help mi bring. lols. know some seniors. guys in 2001 i mean. yeah. quite funny la. lols. manage to make friends with them. stupid ryan. keep BULLY me. lols. i was put in ' in-line skating.' starting i was feeling damn bored.then in the end. knew some guys from the company. decided to stay there. one of them name marc and another one name song ern. lols .didn't talk to marc much as he travel with his boss[edwin] . then i was stay there whole day. stupid song ern keep on disturbin mi. then all his company ppl there knew that he so called interested in me. then second day is the same. stay there whole day also no one wan to change with me. after that. marc went off again. then song ern disturb mi again. freak sial he! lols. then some lil tambusu girls was chasing after him. asking him how old is he. lols. he bluff those lil kids say he 18. actually. i kinda believe also. lols. coz he really look like one also. after that lesson finish. i ask him how old actually he really is. he pull mi and he whisper in my ear. if i wan to know how old is he. give him my number. i was like. so paiseh la. lols. thought he wan to say wad. then i was like. don't tell then forget it lor. lols. end of the day. one of the guy ask mi am i intrested to be a in line skating instructer. i was thinking. why ask me in a sudden? coz of song ern or wad? then he keep saying infront of me wad 'she's a super star' next lesson began. then he was like talkin bout something. then say to a lil gal. wad. mi and song ern a lil story. that i was like. yeah ryt. a wonderland story. as in just jokin onli la. then he give me one stupid look. wad de fuck men!! then i give raymond my number coz he say if i intersted call him or something. yeah. till now i'm still thinking la. lols. yeah. then at nite. went home shower. go back school. then camp fire. i was damn tired. dont' wan to let the lil kids see me sleeping. mi alloy and seet went out. go to a stair case there. i was so tired till i sleep for a moment. then after that. went back to the hall. lols.

at nite. mie . ahloy and seet go to nearby field there sleep. i was so tired. in the end. i fell asleep first. lols. then next day. they keep saying mi that i sleep talk. and got alot of move in sleeping and blah blah blah. arh!! hope they just shut up with it la. lols. new day ahead! last day.. after everything. went home! lols. sleep alfter that.

next day. went to malaysia. was so tired. traveling here and there. and i have to travel with my noisy cousin!! arh!!! get to talk to my close cousins for a few hours. sad lor!! arh!! never mind. there will be nice time. yeah. i was like travelling everyday!! arh!!! and i miss alot of things when i was away!! arh!!!! oh yeah. and i didn' tknow using msn can be so stress. was using computer.then my cousinS [read clearly. not onli one. FIVE OF THEM!!! ]they keep reading wad i was typing and wad my friend type to me. read and read and read. i'm gong crazy! but after awhile. they was talking among themself again. lols .yes! peace!!! lols. yeah. wen to bed. sleep. wake up. send my cousisn home. and i'm HOME!! lols. i miss everyone man!!

well. so now i'm here. guess i'm better after travelling around ba. yup!