*wahahahaha... sob sob... * haix.. today is not my dae man... haix.. i'm sho unlucky today lor...at class... do things.. not knock at something or write things ppl bang my table and i write wrongly.. accidentally draw my bag... go out do things... help ppl.. also very unlucky.. haix.. then i cry lor.. i feel so down le lor.. then after school mit alvin from yck sec de... yesterday he ask mi for number.. so i gave him... then we all talk for a moment then we go liao... then go j8 with april today... walk walk walk.. i look behind... guess who i saw... it was justin! i was shock... and feeling down... i feel like crying... but it was in the public.. but i can't.. i felt so sorry to him.. i put my anger on him... make him hurt.. haix... i don't know wad to do to be back to normal as we're use to be... all i wanted to say is that i'm sorry for wad i've done... then alvin suddenly ask mi where am i .. i say i'm in j8... then he say he also.. i was like.. shit.. two guys in one place i met?! haix.. then i and april go take neoprint.. take liao then have to draw the pics... then draw half way.. april told mi that his here! i was like... shit.. where? then i faster draw finish and cover.. haha.. then finish le.. we have to chose the pic all that.. then we were cutting the pic.. they came out.. their pic very funny lor.. haha.. some not smiling at all de... haha.. then we faster go off... then go home... i sms him i go home liao... then he very funny... say 'huh.. ok lor... bye.. muackies' i so paiseh lor.. but.. i told him don't be so confident to himself as i may not accept him...

wah!!! don't know wad to do... was talking to this justin on the phone till we met..[as i ask him come to my church..] then talk talk.. then untill yesterday nite.. mi suddenly say maybe going be back from wad i am.. i don't know.. suddenly something change mi.. i don't know why.. he say he promise he won't leave mi no matter as a friend or wad.. i told him.. i can't promise him i will be there as a friend or wad.. haix.. then things start.. we silnce for a moment.. and talk for a moment.. i start crying.. that i feel bad.. then if i'm not wrong.. he cried too.. haix.. he is like going to end up his relationship with his stead le.. and now mi saying that to him.. haix.. i don't know wad is going on with mi.. he ask mi to share with him my problems.. i don't know how.. all along i solve my own problems... but it take time to solve it.. i just don't know wad to do now.. i made till he can't sleep... haix.. i don't know wad to say.. i feel really bad ... haix....

Phew... back from chalet... haha... quite fun.. hope next time will have a chalet again... but longer... then we can talk more together... hmm.. yeah...

day one...
its day one! but have to reach school by 9.30... coz ah neh wan us to help him buy things for the chalet... then very heavy... haha.. then we all play play play... till time for us to go to AHLOHA CHALET... haha...then nothing much... we playing ... 2+ sleep... 5+ wake... so tired lor...

Day two..
woke up at 6+ again... very tired... then morning devotion... nearly fell asleep... very and to bear with it... after that faster run to the room and sleep... never eat breadfast... afternoon also never eat much... then go Pulau ubin le... cyling! haha... very fun... spring all the way... but everytime will have a sudden stop... very stupid lor.. then everytime is at the slope that is going up... very stupid de la... hmm... then cycle till very fun... mi and ah fu and kor spring all the way back where we start ... very tiring.. but FUN!!! haha... then drink coconut drink... very nice... then go back le... start to feel tiring... then on the way back... justin called... hehe... then talk on the phone for an hour plus... haha.. then 7 le.. ask him call sing phone... then they kept say mi and him... then say wad... ask him wan to marry mi then have 50 tables for the rest... stupid de la.. haha... then continue talk again... till his mother wan to use the phone... then sms each other ... 1+ he call mi then say he going to sleep all that le... he very sweet ... cute... joker... funny... kind... and lot... [we did not stead..] then 2+ go sleep le...

Day three...
7+ wake up... pastor was shouting morning all that... then start fot the worship songs... very guai la... doesn't suit wad we having now lor... but also cannot do anything wad... then just sing along and listen to God's word lor... then eat breadfast... then go back le.. very fast ryt? haix... so sad lor.. then go back school... put things... and go home... use com awhile... go training... very tiring de lor... yeah... then not really in a mood again lor.. don't know why... haha..

k.. end here le.. buai... -muackies!-

Haix.. i don't know wad to do now.. i've been crying everyday... coz i'm scared.. sad.. i've made lots of ppl worry bout mi.. they care for mi but i just didn't accpet it.. [sorry guys...] i just don't know wad to do.. i feel like dying... i around and not around will not do any change... i feel useless sometimes.. need ppl to care for mi.. need someone that can love mi but in the end will end ... i don't know wad i wan... i think is happiness.. i can't remember how i was like... cheerful? didn't cry at all... cheer ppl up? but now? sad.. scared.. crying whole day.. angry easily.. wan to kill myself.. turning into bad.. haix.. i don't know wad got into mi.. i think whenever i had a relatioship.. life will change.. change to bad.. i don't know why.. i feels like i can't control it.. i had lots and lots of dream.. that is have a happy life.. lots of friend to care for.. happy family... alot.. but i don't know how.. how can i make my dream come true? when i with my friend.. i will smile.. and laugh.. joke around.. but inside my heart.. i was crying.. can't smile.. haix.. i really don't know wad gone into mi.. i feel total change.. haix.. wad to do...