I cried. Yes. I cried again. All because of LOVE. Never once fails. I just wan to make it clear. Doesn't mean when i say LOVE , means only guys. I mean my family and friends also. Seeing my friend suffering. I really don't know what to do also. From the start till now. I don't want to see my friends to be suffering. Even if i have to be in the problem also. I keep my profile low cause i don't wan anyone to know what i'm suffering about. I don't want them to be worrying about me. I really don't. Even if i wish someone will be there to listen to me talk. I just don't want it to happen. Even if my tears roll. I'm only fifteen. I really wonder how long will i tolerate this? I still have around FIFTY YEARS to live. I know it will be fast. But to count how many time i've been hurt. I really can't and don't dare to be counting it. Just wish i can find a way easiest to settle all the problems.

WELLL!!!! today is last day of school. kinda sad. Won't be wearing the school uniform for two months. arh!!! Well. Today in school nothing much happen. Got some prize presentation along with some speach and stuff. AFter school. Maria and i went to town. Surpposingly to watch ' Death note ' . But then we were late. So we decided to watch ' DOA ' which is dead or alive. Guess who i saw when i on my way to the top floor to watch movie?? It was HIM and his friend!!! Gosh. its such coincedence. How i wish he was sitting beside me. I should have chose the other side man!! grr!! But its okey. Its already shocking to be watching the same movie at the same time as same as the same row! C! lols. He was in one end. I was in the other end. Close enough already huh?! But after movie, we didn't see each other already. Yet i saw my senior. If i wasn't wrong. there were two of my senior. Only one that i could remember the name. lols. which is Mun ling! lols. Her group of people keep on look at us at first. Then i start to keep looking back. Then we bump to each other outside Cine. And realise that it was mun ling! lols. kinda feel stupid la. lol.

After that went Herren to walk around. It remind me and maria about Mark and shuan. Which is Mark is leaving for private O and Shuan is going back to study overseas. So we Bought them a YELLOW socks. And some Iron- on letters to put their name on. Which cause around $ 10.20. After that buy another string so that we could tie while thinking what kind of sweet or stuff we can put in. lols. After that we went home. In the train. We keep on taking photos!! [ using joesph camera ] . After that. Alot of stupid things happen which we can't stop laughing. While i don't know how to say in a blog. Just some silly stuff. haha. Really enjoy it. THANX MARIA!!!

You scold me like shit! Are you happy now? Me with this unhappy life and yet that you're enjoying with your girlfriend?! you're the biggest jerk ever! Saying that i'll be the last girl you'll treat so nice. What a joke. now your girlfriend. aren't you treating her nice also? you're just a liar! saying that you love me and no matter what will wait for me. Now looks whose enjoying life. still say no matter what will be by my side. still say among all your ex. you love me and your first love the most! Zhen hui was ryt! you said that to all your ex. still say that you don't have a true friend . Fuck la you! your 18 this year. and your attitude like a 16 year guy! FUCK!!! arh! what for i'm so angry with i'm no LONGER loving you!

things that i wan to make this clear!! i did love you from the start okey! don't put words in my mouth !and you're not fit to be my guy!! 18 year old guy should be forgiving okey! guy like you . i cry is coz i hurt you so as i hurt myself! you know me not even one month. how much you'll know about me? you wan to think so much about that. so be it la. you're just so hopeless even zhen hui can't even help you anymore.

Guess jia wei was right after all. I don't worth to be talking about love. That's why i have that much ex stead. Maybe that's my problem from the start. I don't treasure people that love me alot.

Was crying terribly. Was talking on msn with jia wei. Normally we will talk as a friend after we broke up. But yesterday was different. I thought he might help me with my problem now. End up talking about the pass. Telling me to give up like how i give up on him last time. I wasn't sure what is he talking about at first. Then slowly end up saying that i don't worth for anything. He is right about me still love someone which is not on earth already. [ Which is my grandma ] . But i thought him. Love is not only Loving a guy and not a women. But it seems like he just won't listen to me.

After that he ask me my house door number is what number. Then i told him. Then he say what , Thought he wan to burn my house arh. Then i say i rather he kill me then my family. He start to say stop acting ' wei da ', say what. Cann't stand it anymore . If this is what he wanna be. means that i'm a failure of being friends with those i've hurt..Even though i wan to continue try to be friends with him again. Looks like it'll be hard. Cause if i continue talk to him. What we'll end up is talking about the pass again which seems that he won't forgive me anymore.

I thought he really understand how i feel when he put his msn nick. But guess i was wrong either. I thought mean time he will change. And will ask me for stead again. Guess i was wrong. Most of the time i kept on thinking of him. The time we hug each other when we first stead. The warm hand holding me. The kiss we had. I don't wan him to know about it. I guess he don't worth to be with me either i guess. I shall just keep all by myself then. Just hope that he is happy. That's all.


" Lord. Please show him a way that he will not be hurt anymore and be happier then he is now. Lord. i pray that he will understand more about people's feeling and he will know about you , believe in you soon. To ease all his pain away.. ... Amen"

Great .. my paper is already finish. In school had nothing to do. Total waste of time. When princpel says that time is precious. Wasn't in any mood. Heard that girls took his number. Felt like he don't love me already. But i'm the one who told him that i won't go back to him. Why am i feeling this way? Why am i feeling pain in my heart ? does it shows that i still love him? even if i do, i rather love him sliencely. Don't know what's my mind thinking either. Can't do anything right. i guess...

Its about a week that i didn't update my blog huh? Exam is here. Getting more and more trouble each days. When I'm helpless, all i do is just cry there. Hopeless huh me? Exam is here. Trying to study hard. Now what in my mind is that, Council and job for holiday.

As for council, i just can't think of anything. Just feel like i wasn't in anyhelp but just cheering them up. I know. Leaving them its kinda painfull. When that time terence was saying that Sean want the whole councill to mix. As in no more Consortium, Marketing. but just mix together. My heart was so sad. I just cry there sadly. After all the hard work and now their trying to tear our friendship with some ppl who like to say ppls bad point? What do they know about friendship? Plus, I feel that i can't really cope with my stuff. Quiting stuff one by one.

Even table tennis i'm quiting. I start from there. Meeting new people. Being friends with them. Just this once. Just a blink from your eyes. They're gone. It'll never be the same ever. But without me or not. Looks like it'll make no difference. Since juniors coming up. What's the use already? Might as well quit. Since now one treat me as a friend.

As for holiday work. To speak the truth. My family having some part of money problem. I don't want to keep having money from my parents. I just wan to find a job. That i can earn and take the money as my allowance. So that my parents can have abit extra money by not giving me any money. I feel so helpless. I feel like i'm a burden in the family. Causing trouble everytime. Like i know what will happen if i do this. But i just wan to do it. Just hope that i can find a job fast. =(

Friends around me, I also got nothing much to say. Either some got boyfriend, or they have their own friends. Or exams differents from mine. Study with their own group people. Me? No stead [ which i don't wan to have one either.]. Don't have own friends that will be there for me everytime. What else do i have besides God with me? Or am i just asking too much ? I really don't know. Just feel so damn sad. Every single time i came blog. How many of the post i was happy? guess is less then 20 over 114? How sad i can be? I don't know either. Just hope. things will get over soon.