Well. Today was a normal day. Lower secondary didn't need to come school as its IT day for them. Yeah. One thing happen today. Which they prove me wrong about something. When i was having my recess. I saw those basketball girls sitting here. I asked them why are they in school. Guess what they told me? They said that they camp back and practice basketball. I'm really touch that they really 'LOVE' basketball. Well, at least they prove me wrong about my thinking. *Thank you girls*

Now i have to concentrade on my studies. Common test is just next week. I'm still stuck on my subject. Been studying pass few days. Make me feel so clever. Haha. i have to serve 6 hours of DC just because that i didn't went training. LOLS. But its better then haveing TWENTY HOURS!! mange to fight till six hours. HAHA. Not bad le huh? Hahas. After my common test and DC. I shall plan a Physical training for that. That's what i know what to give them. Traing their running. Train there pass balls. That the two things i had in mind now. I must motivate myself to train them. I wan to fulfill their goal for 2007. GIRLS! LET TRAIN HARD AND FIGHT FOR THE RIGHTS!!!

Okey.This few days i have been feeling sad. Feel like crying. Just can't seems to be crying. Feeling very misserable. Sometime i just miss him so much. Some time i feel like i'm nothing to him. Everytime i said that to him. He will say something which make me want to cry. His words. Makes me think of the past we had. I really miss those past. Really do. But i know that i can't change anything now. Not anymore. I didn't expect him to like me back. I don't wan it to happen also. Its been three month past. Still loving him alot. Its like how i suffer when i'm in love with luke deeply? Haix. My problem now its like the same. But the thing is that i did stead with luke. But i didn't stead with roy. Coz of my rejection of confuseness. Things haven't be okey since. I feel like. I did stead with him awhile. Just as a while. Till he gave up on me. Broken hearted.

School life its quite stress. Slowly getting more and more busy. My basketball girls is going to be me in charge since chen ning is going for N levels. All i can give or train them its their phyical. I don't really know how to train them on basketball. I forgot all those things i've done. Sometimes i just wonders, am i looking down on them or what? I feel sad if i think of them like that. But i don't wan them to happen to what i think of them. I want them to prove me wrong about it. Don't let me be correct.

I can't believe what i dream of. It is so scary. I woke three time. arh! The dream goes like this from the start.;;

There is a force. [Which i don't know what does it call as] They were seraching for me all over. Aiming me with some sort of gun. I was running around like hell. Till i run to a stair case. I ran all the way down. Thinking there will be an exit. My phone dropped! I went up to pick it up. Guess who has my phone?! IT WAS YU SHUN! What the hell is he in my dream?! MY GOODNESS. I faster ran after taking back my phone. Ran down again. Another group from the same Force came up. I was so scared. Till i ran up again and hide. Another group of Force what just infront of me. I just squat there. Knew i'll be dead. I was so scared. I was alone. Till one of a GIRL from the Force walking towards me. I thought she is going to kill me. But she didn't. She came and talk to me. I was shock. Wondering Why she didn't kill me. She said that the GINE or GENE in my body disappear. So the force change target. I was thinking. What the hell is the gine or the gene in my body was all about? Then suddenly the captain came. Everyone gather around. Then the funny part is. The captain don't know say what about some goodie bag?! say the Force ppl can bring or give the goodie bag to two other people. Then the girl who talk to me from the start turn to me and say she will chose me.

What is that all about?! What the hell is going on in here?! i don't get it.. NOT A SINGLE STUFF. one minute i was chase by three big group from the force, another second they are chasing after the rest?! and is my friends?! my goodness!!

But i was so afraid. Still shock.. Was so scared that i can't see anyone else. After a moment. I was under a block with my friend. I start talking about the chasing all that. Sit on the floor and cried. Then saw HPT ppl were like training? After that i sat down. My friend was cheering me up. Suddenly two silver-grey metal appear? pierce through my friend and my friend start to disappear. Was so scared. Terrible shock.

When i woke up. Really make me feel like i just came back live. I'm not trying to scared myself. But who can remember about their dreams?! This few day's dreams. Really have been weird. I'm scared i may not see my friends again. Really scared.

A lot of things have been happening around. As in about me. Its like, there is once. I fell asleep in my sister room for a moment. When i woke up. I feel that i just came alive from dead. Feel so scary. Like i lose everyone in a sudden without me saying any last word to any one. I so scared. Was having diffculties in breathing. Is that a warning from God? I really don't know. Tell me something!

After all that happen. I feel that my irritation on people is better? Someone insult me. I didn't scold him back. All i do is lecture that guy back. Some more i wasn't angry? I really don't know what is going on with me.

I looked in HER*t.a.l* eyes on wednesday. A feeling tell me something is wrong. Something is going to happen . Its not that i'm cursing them. Its just the feeling. I didn't wan to tell her as i don't wan her to worry about it. But this time. I don't know my feeling is correct anot. I didn't want to scare her off.

My feeling. I wasn't sure anymore. I wan to cry. I can't cry it out. I really don't know what to do now. I can't cry. I can't be angry. What else i can't do? I feel so hard to breath. Feel so sad yet i can't cry out....

Another post of my life. Well, i just read my sister(Gale)'s blog. Didn't really knew that actually she is in the same situation as me. Heart Broken. Knew something is still wrong. Trying to act happy but sad inside. Haix. I think she knew i am heart broken? But didn't know i was waiting for him since the day happen... the day.. i will never forget. I may not know how is my sister doing. She's out everytime. Somkes too! Starting my dad smokes too. I already hate it. Now my sister also. Haix. I really hope she will stop. I really do. Nicole knew it. But she seems not to care about anything..(nicole=elder sister). Is this end of my family? Is this what it will end like? Or there is more?! Every sinlge thing i do. My family will keep an eye on me. Even if i want to cry out. I have to hide in my room. I don't feel like telling anyone about my problem anymore. I feel like i'm so depress. Or should i say.. EMO?

Why can't i just give up my love on you? Hearing you loving another girl. I just still can't give up. Everytime i see you, i just feel in the past again. I knew you will never love me again. You knew that i love you all along. I just can't give up. I don't know why either. Seeing you that night. Makes me so happy and yet confuse. By the way you treat me. By the way you talk to me on msn and face to face. I'm tired. I can't think anything else. That night you treat me. Make me feel that we're in the past again. How close we are. You lie on my leg. Wanted to feed me with the lime Vodka. By sitting beside me. I really don't what to think. I wanted to cry. But you were there. I don't want you to see my tears roll down. I don't want you to remember the past of us suffering either.

I don't wish to see you sad cause of me. I don't want to hear you giving up on love or some one you love either. I just wish you could be back how you were way before i knew you. You said once to me. 'I love you who you are' . Just be the guys i knew you. Now its my turn to say to you too. 'I love you who you are'. Tears may roll. But looking at you smile and hearing you laughing will make my heart lighten abit. I'm not seeking for your pitiness. But i'm seeking for the one who i knew from the start.

I went to cine lesser and lesser cause i'm trying to forget stuff about you and me. Everytime i go cine. Will remind me that day and the only day we went out only. Just you and me with no other people. When i go home, i will remember the night we spent at the park. Again just you and me with no one else. Talking about stuff and how we were when we were young.

Everytime i online. The first person i'll start to look for its you. Just to check that you're alright. Just to gave you my surpport if you're down. Telling you advise for the girl you wanted to get. Trying to find a way to cheer you up.

I've save the sweet and nice message that you send me. Those that how much you love me. Those that what you ask me to dream about you and me. I didn't dare to delete it away. I just couldn't.

Some how. I just wish that one day. You'll find someone in your life again. Happy is what i wish is for you.

Two days before i told april that its been 3 months that i never went out with roy and kaka and yesterday i just hang out with them! feel just like how we use to hang out again. Accept this time adrian was there also. Went to roy's mother pub also! Drank lime vodka again. (as usual) haha. Songs was played. This time is play all those songs that i knew. Not all. But most of it. Haha. Then they KIPNAP my precious ring!!! That cost me $ 20.90. Haha. First is roy that stupid coconut head. He put it in his finger and said that he can't took it out. I was like ' MY RING!! ARH!! I WAN IT BACK!!' haha. In the end he took it out. Phew. Haha. Then Kaka was saying that if roy can't take out the ring i have to marry him. Then i pointed him middle finger. Lols. Then Kaka turned KIDNAP my ring. Untill few mins the i found out. Lols. Then after awhile. They went to watch movie. Then me Go home alone. lols. I'm SO TIRED!!!

Well, ever since i had that dream. I've start to be afraid or can i say scared to see Him? Past few days have been seeing him under my block. Ever since then, I don't dare to face him. Everytime he call me. I'll just pretend nothing happen. Haix. but everytime i failed. I really scared. I don't dare to tell it to anyone. Not don't dare. But i don't know who to tell. I will feel so scared every single time that i see him. Just feel like shouting ' JUST FUCK OFF off MY LIFE!' But i can't. I just don't know how. If i continue like, there will be tears every time. I reallly don't know what to do. If i tell kor. He comfirm will say if HE pester me again. Ask him to go talk to the HIM. But if i like tha.t i will even hurt Kor . haix. I really don't know who to turn to now. arh!!!!