well.. now is already 11.10pm. not feeling sleeping but a bit not feeling well... and tml is april's birthday celebration at sentosa.. afraid tml i woke up i will have a high fever. hope not!!! she'll kill me man!! just pray hard i will be ok ba. yeah.

hmm.. well.. i think i go a good new for myself ba. i THINK that my feeling for HIM is fadin off le ba. yeah. the msg he send mi. days by days. weeks by weeks. months by months. i think. i can slowly let go of it le. maybe the answer that i wanted that time is onli a word. but is can say is a BIG WORD! which is 'TIME'. yeah. days just pass. well, like is say in the msg i wrote for mi. life must go on ba. yup. i've stop myself from cutting. its another good new isn't it? yeah. now wad i'm trying to do is to try and go back to GOD side. like going sunday school. church... [i did go. but my heart won't listen it] and ppl have been asking mi why didn't i go. it is CELL GROUP. yeah. =). i'm really glad for myself now. really! oh yeah! another thing is that i really have to control my temper towards others. yeah. hehe..

well.. i've got a news also.. i think i fall in love with HIM!!! onli maria and april know. i don't dare to type his name out. scared ppl will find out. but the thing is that. i think he don't like mi lor. haix. april keep giving mi hope that he like mi. i don't know la. haix. if he like mi. maybe one day he will come and tell mi de ba. i don't wan to be girls who is despo who confess love to a GUY?!hmm.. don' tknow ba. just hope nothing bad will happen ba. yeah...

well. i'm back with my blogging. yeah. hmm.. dont' know wad should i say. been doing find with my single life. actually. been lonely also. everyone got their own friends. after school. no where to go. but just stay in school doing school service. i really don't know. i don't wanna hurt myself . i don't kwno wad to do. have i change? i think i have. haix. my feeling is like so lonely. which i dislike it. and with my this kind of attiude. haix. i really don't know la. haix. all i can do is pray hard le. haix. just trying to be how i am. i feel so trap. i can't even have my own decision. by forcing us doing something we don' t like. nothing good will happen in the end. example table tennis. starting already say. will let mi quit after competitions. now finish le. still don't let mi quit. still say wad. coz no cca. i got so much cca also no use lor! wad de hell! NORMAL TEC DON"T NEED CCA POINTS! waste our time on something which won't come in handy for my ite. wad's the use of it then?! coz i didn't go for the fuckking training. i have to serve school service. WHERE GOT SUCH THING DE?! i serve one week le. still have to serve more! ask HIM untill when. still say see my attendence in training. is like. he is taking my freedom away which is he don't have the right of it lor! i really don't know wad to do now le! i'm lost. lonely. no one will understand how i feel. haix.. been looking and reading over and over his blog. tears jurt continue drop. i miss him. feel so hopeless in myself. haix...

i don't know where should i start. haix.

looks like mi and derrick didn't last long also. its mi again. all started because of me. haix. we had some problem past few days. which i don't wish to say it here. i won't forget about it. i can't forgive myself and i can't forgive him. another reason. is because of the guy i use to be with and i love him very much. the second time this had happen. i really don't know wad can i do. all i can do. is to wait. or give up on relationship. sometime i'm tired of waiting. very tired. just wish i can close my eyes and rest. rest as long as i can. today is the 2nd month 2nd day that we've broke up. i wish i could go back that time. when we were together. i really wish that. i miss him very much. i really do......

today went cine with tiffany. to meet evan as she wanted to buy stuff for her bf. before we go search for the present we stay at cine arcade to play para. when i was playing. i was looking around. then guess who i saw? it was HIM!! i was happy. but same as i was sad in my heart. i didn't play properly. i wanted to cry out. but i just could. all i can do there. just try to smile. i miss him so much. if i hadn't stead with anyone. i will still have chance to be with him. back to him again. when my grandma pass away. i told myself. i can't lost another one that i love. but now. i lost both of them. i don't know wad to say. but. i just feel very sad. very very sad. i'm so lost. i'm so tired . so tired. ppl ask mi stop thinking of him. but i can't. ask mi don't love this kind of guy . but i can't! i just love him too much. love him too much. and just too sudden that i've lost him. which i love him that much. i use to have this feeling. but it was lost long time ago. maybe because that is my first love ba. but. after so so long. no one let mi have this feeling. this deep feelin of love. its not easy to have this feeling again. now i've lost it again. i don't know how am i going to find it back.

all i can do is to lock myself in a room and cry. i really don't know wad to do now. seeing him today. makes my heart. happy . but same sad. i really hope there will be a chance for us to being together. or i maybe thinking too much. i'm really happy for tiffany and fadzli. they broke up coz of a reason. but in the end. they patch again as they love each other so much. haix i love him. i miss him alot now. i just wish. . . u will be by my side again. i really do. . . . . .