Haven't been updated for a long time. Every since school started, Been busy all over. I want to hang out more with friends.. also at the same time, i want to get involve in my CCAs. Sometime i can't bring myself to fall in love, Or else, i won't have anytime for all those i want to be in.

I can't bring myself into a relationship. Cause i believe they will love me more then i love them.
There is a lot of things that i can't. People expect me that i will be with him. I admit, he is a nice guy caring guy that i do like a bit which i haven't be honest with myself. But seeing him like that waiting for me, i feel that as if I'm pulling him down. Which i can't bring that happen. Maybe i care too much. Maybe its suppose to happen like that. Also at the same time, I want to feel loved too. I want to feel the warmness in my heart. I want the care from people that love me. But then, This is too selfish for me. Cause i know i can't do the same thing back to them. That's why i can't bring myself back to love or in a relationship.

Its quite embarrassing to let people know who i like. Cause maybe for their thinking, i won't like any guys. Having so much time of heart broken and losing love ones is painful, i admit. But i know it doesn't mean i can't give others a chance right? Its just seems that I'm contradicting myself too much. I care for others more then i care for me. I think for others more i think for me. But still, i think that its still early for me having a boyfriend in this school now. I don't know them much. They might have two face which i never even know.

I know i have been giving people attitude much due to I'm not happy with who they are or how they are. I believe there is people who isn't very happy with me also. I'm not perfect. I know, I don't expect much from myself besides results in exams. People may think I'm cool and knows everything. But their wrong. I have my own weakness. Which i don't want to show to anyone. I was hoping that this year i won't cry because of people. Yet, one particular guy made me cry unknowing.

Maybe I'm over protective over a little things. I'm sorry that i gave attitude to him even though i know he care for me. He asked if i want him to come over and accompany me when i had quarrels with my friend, yet i shouted at him saying no. He cared about me saying what if i'm left alone and something happen to me. Yet i replied him saying that i don't care if i'm alone anot. If i'm alone, then let it be. I know his a bit angry when i said that. But i really can't help it that i can't find anything to vent anger on. He was always there whenever things happen to me and stuff. He does understand me. But the only thing that he doesn't understand me is, I am not keen to get into relationship. He don't understand how i really feel towards this things. I don't blame him. Cause i wasn't very honest with him from the start.

I really want to smile all i want. Just let me be happy for this time. Just this time....

Time is so short.
Hearing that his leaving us,
Its so sad.

Its friends.
But then friends, still will be sad. ARH!

Is it worth it to cry for someone that doesn't love you?
Is it worth it to wait for someone when you know he don't loves you?
Is it worth it to be friend back to the person who betray you?

I'm not sure anymore.
I don't know if i'm doing the correct things anot.
I confess.
I confess to someone who i got a crush on.
And i'm giving up because he like another girl.
Which he just had a small crush on me too..

If i hold on any longer,
I think i'll be the one getting more hurt.
I can't affort to show them my hurtful face.
Even if they seen once..
I'll just have to act as if i'm tired or not feeling well..

I can't affort to lose any friends now.
It just started.
I still have the rest of the years to go.
I just want to have a nice and clean friendship with them.

So i just have to remind myself that...
Not to fall in love with him again..

My friend.
Thank you for your caring heart.. :)

I'm enjoy my class even more each day.
Went out with Kin loong, ivan and adrian to bedok.
Support our little friend that is having sea training.

Haha. Went to play playground .. THE SEE-SAW! Hahah.
Super fun. Me and ivan always get stuck in the air.
BECAUSE KIN LOONG AND ADRIAN IS TOO HEAVY!
Hahaha... It was so funny.. Then we went to play with the purple dino.

Went town.. Was thinking to go catch a movie.
Can't find any place that the movie we wanted to watch.
So went to play pool. Went home late, Got scolded.
But i still enjoy being with them..

Just think that, before school reopen..
I wasn't looking forward to go school.
And since now i know my class people.
I enjoy having fun with them!
Just that their a bit of childish.
I can take it! HAHAH

I think i might fall for you..

I have officially found out that he is together with her now.
heart do hurts.
But i don't want to care anymore.

He is like luke.
kept empty promises.

I told myself, he is not worthy for me to drop tears ba.
its the past.
I don't really want to remember..

All the best james.
Farewell...

Its only the first three week.
Yet i'm hurting someone.
I don't want to be this way.
But what can i do?

Falling by pieces.
i don't like this.

I didn't return last year.
And i won't be able to return this year either.

Feeling depress..
I really do..
I miss them.
I miss her..
I miss her so much.

Last year was due to N level results and work.
This year is due to that my birthday,
I am not having any holidays..
Doesn't seems fair again.

People...
TALK TO ME!. =(

Falling in love is easy.
Forgetting someone is not.

Handling relationship isn't east either.
Hurting one another can be easy, But also, it can be hard.

I just want to be myself.
My carefree life.
My life of speechless.
My life, my world.

Hurt is enough.
Love has end.