here i am. typing another blog of mine. how troubledd i am. how lost i've been. but seems that no one know bout it. i really don't know wad to say now. its like. i'm so stress now. with studies. ccas. council. and even church. no one seems to help mi such as tell mi advise. i told a friend of mine bout this. bbut wad he told mi? bout how he is at secondary life. it doesn't help mi in anyways. and now? the guy who i like. now that he like mi too. and i didn't accpet him. ppl may thing i'm that stupid . but i just can't do any decisions ryt now. i'm such a lost girl ryt now. don't know wad can i do now. ka ka keep ask mi to try to be with him. i wan to be with him. with a light heart. and not a heavy heart. i wan a good relationship for the start. i don't wish to start anything unpleasent. i really wish he can give mi more time to calm myself down.

the way he ask mi for being his girlfriend. is like. i'm touch wad he said to me. he said this. ' ze suan, i love u very much. are you willing to be part of my life?' i was touch. but i start to cry. and wad i reply him is ' like each other doesn't mean have to be together. i can't give u an answer from my mouth but u know that i love u. hope that u can wait for me. if u can't. its ok. i don't wan to demand much.

after that. pass few days on the phone have been talking bout that. but it lead me of unhappiness. moodless. ka ka keep saying stuff as if its easy for me. asking mi to give a try to be with him. he don't know and won't know how i feel now. i told him my problem but turn out he don't understand. like today. roy was feeling unwell.. i knew. but i can't do anything but just ask him to go home and take a rest. then kaka ask mi to go over to take care of him. its like. where he live? and where i am now? early in the morning. kaka, roy and me already moodless. if we meet up. we will be moodless still. everytime is ka ka who made me cry. he talk as if he is me. he don't know me well. he have no ryts to say me. its like. roy sick. i have to take care of him. i'm sick also. why can't he come over to talk care also? i know. even if we're together, we will have to take care of each other. but sometimes. we have to take care of our ownself. we can't rely on someone forever. haix. i don't know wad can i do now. i don't wish to be crying everyday coz of the same things. i don't wish to cry. but things kaka said. he made me feel that its no use how i feel coz he won't understand . he is just wasting my time. sometime i feel like go and time him that ' words and hurt and kill people'

told tiffany this. she also seems not to understand . telling her. she give mi things of not encouragement but words and sentence that think she is ryt all along but she can't control how she is now. to say the truth. i don't know how long can i hold on annd torlerate her attiude. she can't be alone just like me. but. does she know wad is she doing?! haix. i don't know and don't wish to continue this. like i say. words can kill and hurt ppl..